


Ragged Jackets and No Traces

by minamiren



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rating might go up, Runaway AU, if anyone asks, instead actually, no SBurb AU, trolls are pretty badass, will have a good ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 11:45:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2190480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minamiren/pseuds/minamiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Karkat Vantas and John Egbert had once been best friends, until the day that Karkat had completely disappeared.</p><p>Now he's back, and John doesn't know what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Red Embers

**Author's Note:**

> An anon requested a johnkat or davekat runaway au fanfiction! And as I hope we all know by now, Johnkat is my otp, that’s what you’re getting c;
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Karkat had been your absolute, very best friend until you hit the age of sixteen.

Reason being, that he had disappeared from his home (or hive, as he was prone to calling it) without so much as a trace.

To be honest, your friendship with Karkat was pretty unusual in the first place. Humans and trolls tended to keep themselves as separated and secluded from each other as possible, despite the fact that it was perfectly legal for the two races to interact. There were schools for humans, schools for trolls, and schools for mixed races. Same with places of work.

This, unfortunately, was because of the fact that despite the melding of the races and the peace between the governments, the cultures did not change much.

Trolls were still extremely prone to becoming violent or angry with barely so much as a misunderstood word, and humans just didn’t know how to deal with this. Trolls got in fights- terrible cycles of revenge that never seemed to end and the humans couldn’t see why. They were just…a little too different.

They still adhered to the blood caste extremely well- highbloods got the best jobs and education, and rustbloods…well, they were the trolls that generally ended up homeless. It kind of sucked, but it’s not like you could do anything about it. You had heard that they weren’t as bad about the caste system farther south, but you weren’t quite sure if that was true or not.

Your dad, thankfully, was one of the humans that fully supported the alliance and merging between the two races, and as a result you were placed into a troll/human school.

You had met Karkat the first day of sixth grade, and had been absolutely appalled at the troll’s language. He did seem to have a mastery over insults despite his complete dorkiness, however, and you couldn’t help but be drawn to him. By the end of the year, you two were practically inseparable.

Your friends were pretty chill around trolls, too, which was extremely nice. Rose was actually dating one, and if you’re not mistaken Dave might be, too. You’re not entirely sure about that one, though. He’s pretty closed off about his relationships.

So you had been best friends with Karkat, the grumpy troll that almost constantly made up new, overly-elaborate metaphors for how dumb you were. You had sleepovers, played video games, and hung out all the time. You were like, ‘bbfl,’ or ‘best bros for life,’ as Dave would probably call it.

And then, over the summer that Karkat had turned seventeen, just before your sophomore year (he was older than you by like ten months), he disappeared.

Just, vanished.

One day he was there, and then the next he wasn’t. You had gone knocking at his hive, asking for him, but no one was there other than his lusus, who wouldn’t tell you a thing.

He was just…gone.

Left without a trace. You had searched for him for days- driving around the neighborhood, around the cities, searching for him desperately. You did this the entire summer, until your dad convinced you that it was no use. Karkat had disappeared, and he had probably disappeared for good.

You were absolutely crushed.

Without Karkat, you didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what to do with your time, who to hang out with, or anything. It was pretty shitty.

You were finally getting over his disappearance, actually. It’s about a year later, and now you only think about him maybe once or twice a day, instead of constantly.

Your life was getting back on track- you had managed to pull your grades out of the gutters last-minute, and had passed eleventh grade with acceptable B’s. You knew you could have done better without the distraction of Karkat, but oh well. You would live with that. Hopefully do better during senior year.

Currently, you were playing video games on your TV. Super Paper Mario, to be exact. Because you played badass games like that. What? You were totally about to get your sixth heart. You were on a roll.

And then the phone rings.

It’s your cell phone, actually. Sitting right next to you on the seat of the couch. It’s going off, and you’re freaking out because you can’t save until you kill this dumbass paper piece of shit that’s attacking your Mario, and if you flip to 3D there’s just more of them.

Finally, on the third ring, you beat the thing, and you save quickly before pausing.

On the fourth ring, you grab at your phone, which promptly slips between the cushions of the couch. Fuck your life, you have the absolute worst luck ever.

On the fifth (and final) ring, you fish it out from the couch and quickly answer, holding it up to your ear before you even get the chance to check caller ID. You wouldn’t have managed to answer before it automatically forwarded to voicemail if you had.

“John.” The voice is hoarse- dehydrated, changed. It’s deeper than you remembered, too. Probably as a product of age. It has been almost a year, after all.

The voice is unmistakably Karkat’s.

You don’t know what to do. You’re at a complete loss- what the hell do you even do in this situation?! Karkat’s been gone forever, you never expected to see him again. He fucking left you without so much as a good-bye and you don’t know whether you want to break down in tears, make a joke, or yell at him.

“Karkat,” you say back into the phone. Your voice is strained. You can hear a slow exhale of breath from the other side of the line- Karkat’s, maybe out of relief that you still had the same phone number? That you still recognized his voice? You don’t have a clue.

“Where have you been?” you whisper into the receiver. You want to yell at him, want to slap him, want to hug him. You’re so fucking confused right now.

“That’s not important,” he responds, voice much more subdued than you remember it being in the past. “Do you…are you at home? I just. I really need a place to stay, just for the night. Maybe some food if you can spare it? I swear I’ll leave right after.”

You don’t know what to say. Your dad is away on a business trip, so yeah. He could definitely stay.

But…why did he come back? Now, of all times? Why did he even fucking leave in the first place? You have so many questions and no answers, but you find yourself answering over the phone anyway.

“Yeah- yeah, of course you can! Come right over- do you still remember where my house is? A little bit past the park and-“

He cuts you off from your confused rambling with a scoff. “Of course I know where your hive is, dipshit. I’ll be right over there, so try not to get your metaphorical panties in a bunch. Hold on a minute.”

You can’t help but smile, even as he hangs up. You seriously missed this troll- missed everything about him, really. You missed his sharp-but-blunt-for-trolls fangs. You missed his small horns, and his soft, feathery black hair. You missed the way he was always careful about his claws, but ended up tearing your jackets half the time anyway when grabbing your arm to get your attention.

Barely a minute after he hung up, there’s a knock at the door. Your eyes widen and you spring off of the couch to answer the door, game completely abandoned at this point- it’s gotta be Karkat. He must have been standing right outside of your house the entire time he was on the phone with you.

You take no time in flinging open the door, and your mouth opens to say something- what, you have no idea- but the sight of Karkat cuts you short.

He’s wearing a ragged jacket, way too big for them with a hood pulled so far over his face that it covers his eyes, and his head is turned toward the ground. His hands are balled up and shoved in his pockets, and he’s wearing an old grey shirt underneath the jacket. His jeans are complete trash, torn up with holes in places that don’t make sense. He’s taller, now- taller than you, actually, even slouching and with his head down as he is. It surprises you.

Holy shit, this was Karkat?

You open your mouth again, but he cuts you off by slowly stepping inside, moving with a silent grace he’s never possessed before. You wonder what caused him to adopt that way of walking.

“Karkat, I-“ you try again, but he makes a noise in the back of his throat that cuts you off.

“Look, I swear I’ll be out of your hair after this,” he promises, and you have a feeling he’s rolling his eyes. “I just need a place to stay tonight, and I don’t want to risk crabdad getting hurt because of me, understand?”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “But you’re okay with me getting hurt because of you? Wow, dude. Totally feeling the love here.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t what you expected to come out of your mouth. You really needed to start watching your words.

He flinches a little, and you immediately feel like shit for what you said.

“Look, I didn’t know where else to go, got it? Terezi would have reported me, Kanaya would have done the same out of the goodness of her heart, and there’s barely a human out there that would accept me, even for the night,” he snaps at you, and you bite your lip.

“Report you?” you ask, frowning. You don’t get it. There are some things you expect you’ll never get about Karkat.

“Yes,” Karkat growls in a tone that tells you to drop it. You do so, reluctantly.

You hesitate before speaking up again. “Do you have to leave again?” you ask, your voice small. It’s kind of pathetic, but you don’t think you can handle it if he does. Not again.

He groans some. “I knew you would say something like that, and I wouldn’t want to leave. Fuck me, but yes. I have to leave. I’m not staying put longer than I have to.”

You frown. “Why do you have to do this? Why are you on the run like this? I don’t get it.” You’re frustrated. You missed Karkat. So much.

He snickers a little bit, as if he thinks that your words are amusing to him.

“Egbert, they separate the areas that humans and trolls live in for a reason,” he says, as if this answers your question. You’re about to protest, but then he continues. “Because trolls like to ‘dispose’ of the people they find wrong, and unlike a human, a highblood can get away with it with nothing but a thank you for helping the population.”

He lifts his head, and a pair of eyes glowing like red embers stare you down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the end of chapter one! I am [minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr for anyone who may be interested to find me. I post earlier, take requests, suggestions, and post more there! Not to mention I'm lonely and I like friends haha


	2. Revealed Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor, dear Karkat. And John still doesn't have a clue over what's going on.

You’ve never seen eyes like these before, and you can feel a shudder roll down your spine.

He tugs the head farther over his head, and suddenly his entire face is hidden again, other than a set of grinning fangs. “Now, food? I specifically remember you saying that you had some to spare,” he says, and you jolt out of your reverie.

“Y-yeah. Come on,” you say hurriedly, and shake your head as you lead him to your kitchen, wrinkling your nose at the ever-present sweet smell of icing and cakes. It’s not that you didn’t like them, of course- it just got tiring after a while.

Karkat, on the other hand, inhales deeply. “Jeez, I really fucking missed your dad’s pastries. Where is he, by the way?” he asks, and you see his mouth curl into a frown.

You shrug as you go into the fridge, pulling out the leftover lasagna that your dad had left as part of your sustenance for the week he was gone. “He’s at a business trip. 

Somewhere in Ohio, I think? I don’t even know.” It probably wasn’t Ohio at all, to be honest.

You scoop a hearty amount of lasagna onto the plate, then put it into the microwave and set it to ‘reheat’ and ‘pasta.’ You watch as the machine begins, and then you turn back to Karkat.

Who is snacking on a tray of chocolate chip cookies.

You don’t even know where he got them from, to be honest. You roll your eyes, unable to help but to grin just a bit. Trolls had the biggest sweet tooth out of about every single being on this earth, and it was always entertaining to watch Karkat gorge himself on your dad’s baking in the past.

“Still good as hell,” he remarks, and you snicker again. Half the time since he’s arrived, he acts like someone you’ve never seen before. But the other half, it’s all Karkat. It gives you hope that your friend isn’t gone forever.

“You’re welcome to as many as you like?” you offer, and you hear a muffled ‘fuck yes’ as he continues to eat. You open your mouth to ask another question- bring up what he said earlier, you don’t know- when suddenly the microwave goes off, startling you out of your thoughts.

Damn you, microwave. It totally threw you off track. You don’t even remember what you were going to ask him, so you just sigh and pop open the microwave door. You pull the plate of food out, poking it with a fork a few times to make sure that it was hot. Steam wafted from the center, which reassured you that it was warm all the way through, so you placed the plate and fork in front of Karkat, slipping into the chair across from him.

“I can get you some green beans or something if you want,” you offer, as he abandons the cookies in favor of the lasagna.

“Fuck vegetables,” he just says in response through the thick mouthful of pasta he had in his mouth. “Tastes like shit and doesn’t do anything for a troll, anyway.”

“Not _all_ vegetables are bad!” you protest, and he snickers around the forkful of food he was still working on. You had the sneaking suspicion that he had shoveled more food into his mouth than he could actually hold, and you found the sight more than amusing. Though it was a little concerning that he was so hungry that he would do so. Either that or he   
had just abandoned any semblance of manners while he had been away.

“Name me one good vegetable, John,” he finally manages after he swallows, though he almost immediately fills his fork with pasta again. “One good vegetable, and I’ll fucking eat this fork along with your food,” he promises.

“Hey!” you exclaim defensively, wracking your brain as you do so. “That’s my fork! I don’t want it eaten! And…potatoes. Potatoes are totally great, and you know it,” you say triumphantly.

He rolls his eyes. “Potatoes are botanically a vegetable, but classified as a starch, you genius smartass. Doesn’t count.”

You cross your arms and pout playfully. “You didn’t say that it couldn’t be botanically a vegetable!” you exclaim. Thank fuck for biology teaching you the science behind classifications of vegetables.

“I did just now,” he says flatly, and you just groan and roll your eyes, to which he flips you off in return- probably for being a sassy little fucker.

“Fine, fine. You don’t have to eat my fork. Only because I need it later,” you give in, grinning just a bit. It was nice, being able to talk with Karkat like everything was normal. Like he hasn’t been gone for almost an entire year.

And then you’re back to not knowing what you’re feeling.

Regretful that you hadn’t been able to say anything before he was gone.

Angry that he had left without a goodbye.

Thankful beyond belief that he had come back.

You just don’t know. It’s a roiling mass of all these feelings- all of these and more, including ones that you don’t recognize in the least. So you just forcefully push them back down, and decide to do the next best thing that you could think of.

“I don’t remember your eyes being that color,” you blurt, and even though his face is hooded, you can practically _feel_ his eyes scouring into you.

Ouch. Okay, maybe you could have approached that situation with a bit more tact than you had. But then again, you never were much of one for well, politeness. Or tact. Or thinking out your words before you spew them.

“You don’t remember my eyes being that color because they weren’t,” he says emotionlessly, and you tilt your head to the side, confusion obvious on your features.

He just groans, facepalming before he drags his hand back down his face and lets it fall. “John, you are the biggest ignorant human ever to be ‘friends’ with a troll.” He puts finger quotes around the words. “Did you ever learn _anything_ about trolls and how they worked?”

You frown, eyebrows knitting together as you attempt to work out the meaning of his words.

He picks up on the fact that you’re still completely confused, and he lets out this huge sigh, as if completely baffled by your idiocy.

“Apparently not, because you obviously know jack shit about trolls. Okay, there’s a few things that happen when a troll gets older, John,” he explains, carefully enunciating each of his words, as if you’re too dense to understand if he does otherwise.

He holds up one sharp-clawed finger. “First of all, the lower blooded a troll is, the quicker they will grow up and die.”

He holds up a second finger. “Second of all, when a troll hits what is the human-equivalent of puberty, they go through a number of changes. They grow taller. But the biggest change is the eyes. They change the same color as the blood.”

You frown again. What was that supposed to mean…?

He sighs, frustrated with the fact that you haven’t picked it up yet. He reaches up, and aggressively yanks his hood back, and the fabric flutters down to rest on his shoulders. His hair is longer. Longer, and even more messy- if that was possible. His ears had grown pointed, and his horns were brighter.

But his eyes are what gain your attention.

Bright red. Red as rubies, glowing like coals. You’re almost completely sure that even in complete darkness you would be able to see them.

“How much do you know about the hemospectrum?” he asks gruffly, startling you from your staring.

“Um,” you start hesitantly. “Not much? Other than the fact that they’re all muted colors, and range from red to fuchsia?”

He sighs. “Good e-fucking-nough. Now. This is the color of my blood. Tell me what is wrong with that.”

He stares you down, and you practically shrink into your seat. Like this, Karkat seems much bigger than you. Despite the huge dork he always was, now he’s almost…intimidating.

But then you get it.

“That’s the wrong color. Your eyes aren’t muted at all, and red like that isn’t on the hemospectrum, right?” you ask, and the expression on his face tells you that you’re entirely correct.

His mouth turns up into a smirk, and he slowclaps for you. “Ding ding ding, give the idiot nooksucker a prize for finally figuring it out. I’m a mutant, John. I’m not like most trolls, who will have a lifespan far exceeding a human’s. Chances are that I’ll die before many of you, and that’s even if I get to die a natural death.”

You bite your lip as you study him. Karkat, your absolute best friend, is a mutant. His blood- though you’ve never seen it- is a bright red, about the same color as your own. 

You’re not exactly sure how to take this information.

Karkat stands up, holding his empty plate of lasagna. “Where do I put this?” he asks abruptly, cutting off your trail of thought.

You stand up as well, taking the plate from him. “I got it,” you assure, quickly washing off the extra sauce and cheese and pasta stuff into the sink before you place the plate into the dishwasher, along with the fork.

You turn around to find that Karkat is already going back to the cookies, and you watch him as he practically inhales them. Trolls have a bigger appetite than humans, as well as a faster metabolism. Even if he eats this whole batch, Karkat probably won’t gain more than a pound.

As you watch him, you frown, studying him. You look at the way his red eyes take in the room- he must not have been able to look around properly with the hood covering them.

You think you’re missing something really important, but you don’t know what it is. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t figure it out. It’s starting to frustrate you.

“Why can’t people see your eyes?” you ask.

He stops chewing, looking up at you. “Because then trolls would know the color of my blood. I took a leap of faith showing you, so don’t you dare tell anyone.” You won’t.

And then finally, you ask the question.

“What happens if the trolls know?” A wry smile crosses over his features, and you know you’ve finally got something right.

“Why, I would be killed for my mutation, of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I've finally finished chapter two! Not sure if I should continue past this- what do you think? Again, I'm [minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr to anyone who may wish to find me, and I look forward to seeing you again!
> 
> Thank you for commenting, kudoing, etc :) or just reading! I appreciate it all.


	3. A Place to Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’m back with the runaway au, now with 100% more adorable awkward moments!

You freeze in place, staring as you start to attempt to take in this piece of information that Karkat had offered you. Then you sit down, figuring that would make it easier to process the information.

He would be…killed? Sure, you knew that trolls weren’t all that accepting of the different. They treated disabled people like shit (humans and trolls alike), and many of them were extremely prejudiced.

But that stuff was supposed to be illegal by now! Trolls weren’t supposed to kill each other- were supposed to finally get together, and not kill and eat the grubs that don’t make it.

Karkat sighs, easily figuring out that you are completely confused and at a loss as to what to say. “John, think for a moment, okay? Yeah, it’s fucking illegal to kill a troll for the color of their blood. But let me say something: _that doesn’t mean they’re not going to do it._ The highbloods…a lot of them don’t like the way that trolls integrated into human society, and most were raised to think the way their parents did. So even if I wasn’t killed, I’d be constantly the subject of ridicule and other shit that would just make me want to disappear off the face of the planet because I know it’s _true.”_

You frown at this. “That’s…terrible, Karkat, I’m so sorry,” you breathe, and you’re shocked to hear that your voice is shaking a little bit. “I’m so sorry that you felt that you couldn’t trust me with this all those years ago, and have to be on the run now.”

Karkat rolls his eyes, red glinting in the light. “No need to apologize, you deficient excuse for a human being. Just…let me stay here tonight, okay? I’ll get out of your hair in the morning and you can continue your life like this shitty run-in never even happened.”

Karkat is sounding more and more like his old self as time goes on, and that is incredibly relieving to you. Unfortunately, he also sounds…different. The way he’s speaking; you don’t like it.

“Wait, wait,” you say, shaking your head in disbelief. “You’re going to _leave_ tomorrow?” you ask.

“Yes, that is what I just said,” Karkat informs you impatiently. “I am going to get the fuck out of your hair so that you can move on with your life and forget this ever happened; forget that your old best friend is a fucking mutant.”

“But that’s not fair!” you shout, and the chair you were in skids backward and falls to the floor with a crash that makes Karkat wince but you not even twitch. “That’s not fucking fair, Karkat!” you shout at him, and now you’re angry. “You can’t do that! You can’t just fucking walk off and leave me like you did and then come back and act like an asshole and then _leave me again!_ You didn’t even say goodbye last time! It’s not fair and I refuse to let you just walk off again!”

You’re breathing hard, there’s a lump in your throat and you’re surprised to find that you’re on the edge of tears.

You meet Karkat’s eyes, and his face has hardened, and you freeze. You’re afraid you’ve fucked up- fucked up so badly, maybe, that he’ll leave now. That he won’t even let you have a chance. To convince him to stay.

And then his face softens, and you desperately hope that you haven’t actually fucked this up past the point of saving.

“John,” he says, slowly, as if he’s thinking about the words he’s going to say before actually spitting them out- which must be some sort of miracle, because fuck if Karkat ever thinks before he speaks. He’s almost as bad as you when it comes to doing that.

“I have to leave,” he says, his voice hoarse, and you feel as if your heart’s being ripped from your chest. “I can’t stay. I can’t put you in danger, and it’s not like your dad would fucking let me stay in your house and eat your food without doing anything in return. I’m trying to travel south- shit’s better there, I’ve heard. Like the opposite of your dumbass Civil War that you humans had.”

You swallow thickly, and shake your head. You don’t want to accept this. But then an idea comes into your mind- something that might be able to get him to stay, at least for a little while.

“My dad is gone for the next five days. You can stay here again, rest up, get fed. I’ll buy you clothes and everything and you won’t have to do shit and school doesn’t start for another two weeks so I can stay here with you. No one will find you. So please- _please-“_ You cut off, shaking your head, then turn around and right the chair that you had pushed onto the ground in your panicked frenzy. You hope that you haven’t actually scratched the floor or anything—your dad probably wouldn’t be very proud of you for that.

“I-“ Karkat starts, and you look up to find that he looks almost…unsure.

Then, he pulls himself together, and that closed-off troll expression reappears on his face. “Fine,” he tells John. “I’ll stay the night tonight, and tomorrow, then tell you if I deem you worthy enough for my presence for the next four days, though fuck knows why you even want it.”

You’re leaning over the table and throwing your arms around Karkat before you even know it.

He startles, banging his knees on the table as he jumps and starts babbling curses, but you’re too happy to really mind too much. You actually laugh at him some, like the little asshole piece of shit you are.

“Thank you so much, Karkat!” you exclaim happily, and he pushes you away with a snarl.

“Holy fucking shit, stop your insistent yammering into my damn ear!” he growls at you, and you just laugh at him again, smiling and laughing for the first time since he’s came here.

“Wanna shower?” you suddenly ask, changing the subject. You glance over him. “I mean…you could probably use it and all, no offense.”

Karkat rolls his eyes. “Wow, John, way to employ tact like the imbecilic gentleman you are,” he says, then just sighs as if you’re a lost cause and shakes his head. “But yes. I would definitely appreciate something to wash off all this grime that has accumulated on me in the past week. To be perfectly honest with you, I’m half surprised you didn’t pass out on me on sight from my sheer stench. I smell like utter shit.”

You giggle some, covering your mouth as you do so like it will conceal your laughter. Of course it does no such thing, and you earn an eye-withering glare from Karkat. You give absolutely zero fucks.

“Yeah, you kinda smell like crap. But it’s okay. Shower is upstairs at the end of the hall and you can use whatever you’d like. Leave your clothes in the hallway so I can put them in the washing machine to give back. That is, if they ever come clean,” you add, eyeing them dubiously.

“Yeah, yeah,” Karkat says, waving you off as he pushes out of his seat and heads out of the kitchen. “Just try not to fuck yourself over imagining me in the shower,” he shoots at you snidely.

“Ew, gross,” you laugh, rolling your eyes as you head upstairs to gather his clothes once he’s left them for you.

***

About forty five minutes later, you’re lying on your bed and attempting to read summer reading that you totally haven’t even started yet. Because seriously, who ever even starts their summer homework until like a week or two before school?

Jeez, Karkat takes really long ass showers, though.

But then again, maybe he doesn’t and this is just his first time actually taking one this long. Seriously, he _was_ dirty as hell and it probably took a while to get all of the grime off.

It occurs to you that it might have been a good long while since he’s had an actual warm shower, and you feel a pang of pity for the troll.

Then you vaguely hear the water turn off through the walls of your house and you sit up. Honestly, you probably should have made him ready a place to sleep while he was in the shower, but you totally forgot. Oh well, no use regretting not doing it now. The past was in the past.

And then Karkat opens your bedroom door and walks in with a scowl, and your eyes widen and you blush furiously because _holy shit you forgot to give him a change of clothes._

Okay, well he’s actually wearing a towel around his waist, and one around his neck to catch the drops of water from his dripping hair. But the towel around his waist drooping dangerously low. And woah, you’ve never seen a troll with no shirt on.

You wondered if every one of them was this attractive, because damn.

Karkat looked _good._

And then you’re even redder because what the fuck were you even thinking about your best friend slash troll buddy slash person you haven’t seen in almost two years?

“-need to get your head out of your ass, because I seriously need something to wear because I don’t know about you, but I prefer having clothes on while I’m staying at people’s houses,” Karkat is saying and you realized you completely zoned out while having your internal conflict.

Not that it was really a conflict though, right? You were seriously just appreciating Karkat’s looks and that isn’t weird at all because you can totally do that in a non-sexual and non-romantic way! Yeah.

You scrabble up and lurch to your dresser drawers, starting to go through things.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” you mutter as you search through your drawers, trying to find something that would fit him. Originally, everything you would have offered him would have been far too big. But now he’s grown, so you want to find something that will fit him.

Eventually, you toss him an old pair of clean boxers, a shirt that was way too large for you and a pair of baggy sweatpants. Karkat catches them all (except the boxers, which hit him in the face and makes you crack up laughing while he yells at you for being immature, and you think you’ve finally managed to stop thinking about Karkat’s looks in only a towel), then goes to change in the bathroom again.

When he returns, fully clothed and towels now gone, you’re honestly not sure if this is any better. Because Karkat is wearing your clothes and it’s weird, weird on this level that tickles you to see him in your clothes, but then makes you feel like a creep for thinking that.

You seriously need to pull your head out of your ass like Karkat had said earlier, damn. Because you don’t have a clue what you’re thinking.  
He crosses his arms and tilts his head to the side, damp hair still dripping in his face a little. It’s not really any less messy wet, you notice. You hope he used conditioner.

“Well, do you have me a place to sleep?” he asks, and then groans at your expression of apology, throwing his hands up in the air.

“Wow, John! What an amazing display of hospitality! Invite me to stay in your home, forget to give me clothes and then don’t even give me a place to sleep while you’re at it! I’m so fucking happy that you care about me enough to do all this,” he says sarcastically, and you cringe some.

You get out of bed and head over to the closet. “I’m sorry! Look, I’ll pull out a sleeping bag now and just-“

“Can it, John,” he tells you, effectively shutting you up and stopping you in your tracks.

You turn around to see that he’s climbed into your bed, spread out like he owns the thing and you frown. “What are you doing?” you ask like an idiot.

“Getting ready to sleep, what the hell do you think? Now shut up so I can actually do that,” he tells you, closing his eyes.

“Wait, where am I supposed to sleep!?” you exclaim, flailing a little, and Karkat cracks a ruby red eye open at you.

For a moment you think that he’s going to offer to share the bed with you, but then he just snickers. “I don’t know. Figure that out for yourself.”

Of course he would do that, the asshole.

You sigh and pull yourself down a few blankets from the hall closet, then yank a pillow out from under Karkat’s head despite his vulgar protests. You set yourself up a blanket nest next to the bed, then turn off the light and set your glasses on the bedside table before crawling into it, snuggling up in the covers.

“Good night, Karkat,” you mumble, already about to fall asleep. Too much excitement is making you tired.

“Good night, John,” you hear in return. You hear him mumble something else, but don’t quite catch it.

“Huh?” you say sleepily.

Karkat shifts, and you assume he’s shaking his head. “Nothing.”

Weird. You were sure he said something along the lines of ‘thank you’, but that just wouldn’t have been Karkat, now would it have?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that’s the end of this chapter! I hope you guys liked the little shower thing, because seriously that was my favorite thing to write. Like ever.
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Again, I'm [minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr and any feedback, kudos, and comments are appreciated!


	4. A Second "Run"

_Click._

When you wake up to this sound, you’re not really aware of what it is. Your thoughts mostly revolve around the _mrghhhh no, more sleep_ thoughts that are sort of floating around your mind.

You sort of roll over a bit, then make a face and groan as your foot finds its way out of the blanket nest that you had successfully made the night before. Ugh. Cold. You try to sit up, but the four or so blankets that you’ve gotten yourself completely entangled in keep you from doing so. Instead, you’re forced to worm out of the blankets’ hold like a thrashing caterpillar, about as gracefully as a duck attempting to fly. That is, not gracefully at all. You groan as you finally roll your way out of the blankets and onto the itchy carpet, where you sit up and rake your hair back from your eyes with your fingers, making it stand up in an even bigger mess than it usually does, which is sort of saying something. If you didn’t wake up Karkat with all the commotion that you’re making on the floor next to him, you’d be surprised as hell.

Speaking of the troll, you kind of expected him to be telling you to shut the fuck up and let him sleep, or something along those lines. You’re really surprised that he doesn’t even make a single noise, and you’re kind of confused.

Your confusion is sated when you look up and realize that your bed is empty, devoid of any Karkat-ness or the like. No troll there, just some twisted sheets that show that he was there and that last night hadn’t just been some sort of weird-ass dream.

Oh. That’s what the click was. Your bedroom door closing behind Karkat as he walked out.

The implications of this don’t hit you for about ten seconds. Then your eyes widen and shit. Where was Karkat? You couldn’t hear him downstairs.

He had left.

He had left just like before, without a word, and you might never see him again this time.

Your movements are panicky as you lurch to your feet, fling open the door and stumble down the hallway. On your way downstairs, you trip about halfway down, stumble down three steps, then just jump down the rest. You kind of hurt your foot a bit by landing flat on it around seven steps down, but you disregard it as you just pop back up from where you had fallen back on your ass. You quickly check the kitchen, hoping desperately, but he’s not there. When you check the front door, it’s unlocked. Karkat would have had to unlock it to leave, but he wouldn’t have a way to re-lock it. Shit.

You seriously don’t know what to do, so you just fling the door open, dashing out to the sidewalk without bothering to close it again. The small pebbles of the concrete hurt your feet, and it’s actually pretty damn chilly without any sort of jacket on. You look both ways and realize that you don’t have a clue which direction he went.

Except. Except you can just barely see a figure to your left, getting smaller by the second. If it’s Karkat, he’s already made his way two blocks that direction. If not, you lost him.

This thought spurs you forward, and you positively sprint after the figure in the distance.

Your feet sting as they hit the pavement, pushing you forward at a pace that honestly surprises you. You realize that you’re practically desperate to catch Karkat s you run after him, and you don’t have a clue as to why. Why would you want to catch up to Karkat so much? Why do you even care so much that he’s trying to leave? If he wants to ditch you so damn bad, then you should just let him, shouldn’t you?

But you keep running. You keep chasing after him because that’s what you want to do. You want to catch him and stop him and demand of him _what the fuck he is doing,_ leaving you without even a word like that?

And you’re hurt.

You’re hurt so that when you’ve almost caught up to him- less than a hundred feet between the two of you- you let out a cry. “KARKAT!” you bellow, and you’re pretty damn sure that you woke up some of the neighbors in the adjoining houses. You give absolutely zero fucks about this.

Karkat freezes, turns around. You skid to a stop just before you practically bowl him over, then double over on yourself, clutching at your stomach and panting.

“Holy _shit,_ Karkat,” you gasp. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Karkat frowns at you, his facial expression hardening. “Why did you follow me?” he snaps. “I’m trying to get out of your hair, because obviously you’re too much of a misguided idiot to realize that the longer I stay with you, the bigger chance you have of getting found out and hurt.” He crosses his arms, and you can practically see the internal conflict going through him. Sure, you may be oblivious as hell, but he didn’t actually want to leave. You’re almost sure of it.

You reach forward, grab his wrist.

“Cause you didn’t eat breakfast,” you offer tentatively, giving him a hesitant smile. “And you’re still wearing my clothes. And…dude. I wouldn’t offer you a place to stay if I didn’t mean it. So can you please just come back with me?”

You can see the wavering in Karkat’s eyes, and you exhale in relief when he slowly nods. “Fine,” he says in a low voice. You’re actually surprised that he agreed so easily; you expected to have to throw him over your shoulder and cart him back home or something. Which would have been pretty problematic, considering the fact that Karkat has grown to be taller than you in the time that you’ve been apart. 

You’re not sure you could actually lift him up like you used to be able to anymore.

It was actually really funny whenever you lifted him up before he left- mostly because he hated it so every time you did it he’d always yell at you and whap your head and tell you to let him down. Of course, you’re an asshole at heart, so that pretty much just encouraged you to lift him up over your shoulder more often.

So you nod, deciding not to bring up how you expected Karkat to put up more of a fight for fear that he actually would. Instead, you let go of his wrist. “Let’s go, then!” you say with a grin, satisfied now that Karkat has confirmed that he’ll be going back home with you. You’re not even panting anymore, having successfully gotten your breath back. So you just sort of happily skip along the sidewalk, Karkat trailing behind you. He’s probably giving you a look that says that you are one of the stupidest things that he has ever seen, but you don’t really care.

“John.”

You turn around with a raised eyebrow, to find that Karkat has stopped moving. “Yeah?” you ask slowly, not really sure what he might want.

“Did you seriously not wear shoes?” he asks you, and you glance down at your bare feet before laughing.

“Nah,” you say casually, shrugging him off as you start to walk again, Karkat following you. “I woke up and flipped out when you weren’t there, so I totally forgot to put on any shoes before running out the door,” you admit.

Karkat raises an unimpressed eyebrow at you. “Egbert, you’re an idiot.” He can’t even think up a better or more elaborate insult than that, so you just shrug and laugh.

“Well, I caught you. So I don’t really care,” you decide.

Karkat doesn’t reply to this, so you just walk home together in silence. When you get there, you lock the door behind you. Karkat turns around and looks you over, then shakes his head. “Honestly, you’re even less prepared to go out than I would have originally thought. Fucking hell, you’re still in your boxers. And you called my name like some sort of long-lost matesprit out there. People are gonna wonder if you’re acting out some sort of shitty romance movie with me. I would be wondering that, if I didn’t know that you were straight and have absolutely no romantic knowledge at all.”

You look down at yourself and realize that you are, in fact, only wearing boxers and a t-shirt. And no shoes. And you totally could have been slow motion running at him while yelling his name like in one of Karkat’s favorite movies. You laugh some at this, shrugging. “Well, I was in a hurry,” you say unapologetically. Karkat was still wearing the sweatpants and shirt that you had given him, but he had also grabbed one of your hoodies and had tossed it on. It was too big for you, so also pretty large on him- he was sort of drowning in it and he looked pretty cuddly, to be honest. Which surprises you, because he hasn’t looked cuddly since you last saw him years ago. Now he looks more intimidating than anything, with an utter lack of soft edges and composed of sharp teeth and claws and you’re not used to it but you don’t really mind. You’re just glad he’s back.

Well shit, that was sappy as hell. You’re pretty glad that you didn’t say it out loud.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” you tell him, starting to head up the stairs. “I’m gonna get showered and dressed. You can have whatever you want from the kitchen for breakfast. And then pick out some movies. We are so gonna have a marathon all day.”

You glance behind you to see Karkat grinning up at you, red eyes gleaming and teeth curving over his lip. But you just grin back, offering him a wave as you dash up the stairs to get dressed.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

By the end of the day, things are getting more normal between the two of you.

You think.

At least you’re not screwing up as much. You’re not still asking him a bunch of things about while he’s here again, of course. You’re still as much of an idiot as ever, though, as indicated by the amount of times that Karkat gives you this look. Which is quite a lot. You should get a piece of paper and keep a tally of it. You swear you aren’t even being stupid most of the time! Like seriously, what’s so stupid about asking Karkat if he’s been filing his teeth sharper? It was a legitimate question!

Either way, despite your totally legit questions being treated like they were something to come out of the mouth of a three-year-old, the day was pretty damn good. The two of you are currently on the couch, watching another movie that Karkat had picked off of Netflix. The two of you had been taking turns choosing movies all day, and while you weren’t the biggest fans of each other’s genres, you could still appreciate a decent romance movie when you saw one. Not to mention that you had run to the store around noon and spent about twenty bucks on junk food, and you now had a plethora of bowls filled with candy, chocolate, and popcorn in front of you.

While you had started out on opposite ends of the couch, considering the two of you hadn’t seen each other in a while and you totally forgot how to act on movie night (which you used to have every Friday), you were no longer like this. Now you were both in the middle of the couch, Karkat curled up against your side as the main protagonist confesses her feelings to her love interest. Who rejects her, which makes Karkat sort of sniff a little.

“You know,” you start, “I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t much of a comedy,” you comment, effectively destroying whatever mood the movie had created.

Karkat shoots you a glare before turning his attention back to the movie, apparently unwilling to ignore it for long enough to actually maintain eye contact with you. “For your information, I don’t always watch comedies. Romance is a broad subject with many categories, and comedies just happen to be my favorite category. That doesn’t mean that I don’t watch anything else, genius. And I haven’t been able to watch movies casually since I left due to a lack of money, so I’m trying to catch up right now. In other words: shut your wordflap or I’ll shut it for you.”

You snicker a bit, playfully slinging an arm around Karkat’s. ”Sounds like an offer,” you singsong playfully.

This time, Karkat just gives you a flat look, but doesn’t turn back to the movie immediately. “John, what the hell,” he deadpans, then shakes his head. He seems almost flustered, like he doesn’t know how to respond to your dumb joke, but he finally just flips you off. “Fuck you,” he grumbles.

Your cheeky grin widens even more, and you waggle your eyebrows at him. “Shouldn’t you take me out to dinner first?” you ask him. “I’m so hurt.”

Karkat groans and facepalms. “I don’t know why I ever thought that you might have matured in anything beyond looks since the last time I saw you. Obviously, you haven’t, because you’re just as much of an immature jackass as you used to be. I don’t know why I ever had that hate crush on you, you were too pathetically dumb to ever be worthy of it.”

You shrug a bit. “People can’t really help who they like and don’t like,” you point out. “And I totally have matured!” You protest.

“Give me one example of how you have matured.”

You sputter a bit, wracking your brain for an example of you being super mature, because you totally are. Unfortunately, you apparently do not come up with anything on time because Karkat just sort of rolls his eyes at you. Again. “Nevermind,” he grumbles, turning back to the movie. He huffs out a frustrated breath when he realizes that he missed a few minutes, and grabs the remote to rewind it.

You satisfy yourself for the rest of the movie by totally not watching it, instead just snacking as you watch Karkat instead. You really haven’t seen him in a while- he’s changed in more ways that you’d originally thought. He’s lost a lot of the baby fat, revealing high cheekbones that make him seem more intimidating than he used to be. His hair is longer, in desperate need of a haircut, and you decide that’s the next thing that the two of you will be doing. If Karkat lets you anywhere near his head with a pair of scissors, of course.

Karkat isn’t really cute anymore, like he used to be. Now he’s _attractive,_ and even you can appreciate it. Well, of course you can appreciate it. Things change over time. Including perceptions that you used to have about yourself.

Not that you’re getting a crush on Karkat! You’re definitely not. He’s your best troll pal and you haven’t seen him in years and you just really miss him. He deserves a hug for all he must have been through. All the hugs.

“Thanks,” you finally mumble. “For staying with me at least this long.”

Karkat takes a deep breath, shuddering a bit. Obviously, the movie has already made him emotional enough that your words meant a lot more than they would under usual circumstances.

“Yeah, whatever,” he finally grumbles. “Not like I could refuse your face when you look like a lost barkbeast that will starve if he doesn’t get that extra scrap of meat of the plate. Just don’t try to tempt me into staying longer than I am, understand?”

“Yeah,” you respond casually, though you hide your crossed fingers behind your back.

You’re determined to get Karkat to stay. You don’t want him to leave again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another chapter out! I think I hit 8,000 words altogether with this one, so congratulations to me! For anyone who would like, I post earlier at [minamiren,](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) and am also open to talking, shortfic requests of any pairing and so on! Thank you for all the encouragement with this- especially those of you who commented, knowing how much you loved it was what gave me the drive to update again! See you next time!


	5. Dad Returns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry with how long this took. In fact, it has been exactly three months since I last updated. But it was really hard, after the soulmate au! I got a lot of hate and stuff, and quit writing for a while.
> 
> But I couldn’t abandon this, I gotta at least finish this fic first, so here you go!
> 
> I give you gratuitous amounts of fluff and a sincere apology. Enjoy!

Karkat has changed.

This is what you noticed, over the next few days that you’ve spent with him—five, to be exact. Sure, you knew that he would be different. It’s been like, four billion years since you’ve seen him, for fucks sake! But…you didn’t think he would have changed like _this._ You didn’t think he would have changed the way that he had.

He’s exactly the same, but completely different at the same time. He’s taller than you now—the first thing you noticed, even as he had walked in your front door. He had always been shorter than you, shorter than all of your friends, but now he’s taller than a good deal of you, most likely.

Not only this, but he moves differently. He’s all claws and bared teeth, constant sharp movements. Defensive as he always is, but now with this sort of…grace, maybe. It’s different but you don’t mind at all. In fact, it’s very. Well. It’s kind of attractive to watch, to be honest. It’s fascinating, that’s for sure. He’s not the bumbling, angry troll from a few years ago. He has this sort of predatory silence that he never possessed whenever he wants to, and you have no doubt he could sneak up on you and snap your neck in a heartbeat if he needed to.

You kind of hope that he wouldn’t, of course.

And not only this, but…well, you’re kind of noticing a few things about yourself. Things that you shouldn’t notice, as just someone who’s seeing their long-lost friend for the first time in what seems like literally forever.

You’re noticing how whenever he talks about how he came to you instead of anyone else despite the danger, because he _trusted_ you, it makes you feel all warm inside. You can’t help smiling, and you’re happier than you’ve been in a long time. You really forgot how happy being with Karkat makes you. He may not be a happy troll—or person in general, by extension—but. You can’t even describe it. He’s just very important to you.

So important to you, wow.

You’ve canceled all the plans that you had this week, just to spend all your time with Karkat. It means that you spend all your time inside—and yeah, usually you’d get pretty freaking antsy doing this. But for some reason, with Karkat? It’s fun, something you’re sure that you could do for months straight and not get tired of it.

It isn’t until the fourth day really that you realize it.

You were watching a movie. Your fourth movie straight, if you were to be exact. It was like, three in the morning and you were SO hyped up on popcorn and candy and complete junk that you and Karkat had brought to the living room.

Karkat gets really complacent when he’s in a sugar high, you’ve noticed. And also kinda touchy and cuddly. It’s really, _really_ weird; a huge contrast from the troll you’ve come to know over the past few days. But you become aware of his thigh pressed against yours. And wow, was it getting noticeably warmer in the room or was it just you? Probably you, haha, otherwise Karkat would’ve said something. You think.

Then he kinda. Curls up against your side. He’s pressed all against you now and you’re afraid of spontaneously combusting with how much you’re burning. Oh man, you hope he doesn’t see that in your face. That would be kind of embarrassing. What if he thought you had a crush on him or something?

_oh._

Oh wow, that was fucking it. You were crushing on Karkat, and you were crushing on him _hard._ You distinctly remember turning him down when you were younger—you didn’t hate him! And you kind of weren’t gay or anything? But then there was that whole mini fling with Dave while Karkat was gone, and you two definitely made out a bit. No more than that! But still. There were definitely makeouts.

And you can’t really deny that this is turning into the biggest crush that you’ve ever had. Fuck.

He makes a soft noise and you glance over at him. His eyes are closed. Asleep. Oh man. Oh man, he trusted you enough to fall asleep against you like this. You grin.

Time to get out the markers!

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

And then all too soon, those five days are up. Your dad is coming back home tomorrow.

Karkat is leaving.

You don’t sleep the entire night, the night before he’s going to leave—just toss and turn around until Karkat gripes at you to quite the hell down and let him sleep lest he gut you with his claws because he shouldn’t be able to fucking hear the cogs of your thinkpan turning from where he is. The rest of the night is pretty much spent staring at the ceiling—at this point, you’re going to have bags under your eyes worse than Karkat’s.

You’re so out of it by morning that you almost miss Karkat waking up, stretching his arms out and baring fangs in a yawn. You haven’t slept the entire night.

He starts to turn to you, and you immediately close your eyes in an irrational surge of fear that he’ll be pissed if he sees you watching him. He probably doesn’t want you to be awake.

You hear the mattress shift, blankets rustling as the troll slips out from under the covers. Leaving. Fuck. Not even saying goodbye, the asshole; how could he do this to you? Leave you all alone, then come back to throw your life upside down, as well as all your emotions. And then disappear again.

You’re not ready for him to leave, but at the same time you’re terrified to call out to him, beg him to stay. Even if that’s the only thing you want to do.

So you wait, body still and breathing controlled, for the sound of your bedroom door to open and close. To lose him again. Fuck, you’re not going to be able to handle this. But the sound doesn’t come.

Instead, you feel a soft touch—so soft it could have been mistaken for a soft breeze if you couldn’t hear the troll’s breathing next to you, close to you. You feel claws—razor sharp and yet gentler than you’ve ever seen Karkat be while you’re both awake. They don’t hurt in the slightest, just feel kind of nice on your skin. Your eyes stay closed.

You feel him brushing your hair out of your face. “Always a deep sleeper,” he murmurs, voice low. He’s right, actually. You are. If only you had ever been asleep at all.

You feel the pads of his fingers on your cheek, and it leaves trails of fire on your skin.

"Fuck." And then his hand was gone. The touch was gone, trails of warmth vanished, leaving you oddly cold. He doesn’t move silently this time, apparently no longer afraid of waking you up. You hear him pad across the room. The soft click of the door opening. And then you can’t take it anymore—can’t stand losing him, and damn it all if that meant going with him you would probably drop everything and do that, too.

"Karkat," you say, opening your eyes to see him about to slip out the door—slip away from you again. This time for good, maybe. He freezes at the sound of your voice. Turns to face you.

It’s early—can’t be later than six in the morning; your room is still shrouded in greys and shadows—and Karkats eyes positively glow in them. You swallow.

He’s so different, but the same. And you desperately don’t want him to leave. Holy shit, you don’t want him to leave.

He’s frowning at the sight of you, eyebrows furrowed together like he’s really, really pissed off at someone and you’re pretty sure it’s himself, because he didn’t leave without you noticing. “Egbert, I-“

"Stop, Karkat," you interrupt him almost immediately. Surprisingly enough, he does. Just closes his mouth and stops talking, listening to you. Giving you his attention. Wow.

You sit up, yawning without being able to help it as you do so. You knuckle at your eyes, then open them to look over Karkat again. “I know you said not to,” you start, “but. I’m begging you to stay.” You barely even manage the words, throat tightening despite your best efforts.

"I can’t," he says flatly. "Your lusus is coming home today and I can’t risk that. Maybe if we were in some other damned universe where I wasn’t a piece of used trash on the street, I could. But we’re not, so I have to leave."

He says it like it’s the be-all, end-all truth, and it kind of really makes you want to cry. “You’re not trash, Karkat,” is all you can respond. “You’re the opposite of trash. You’re-you’re-“

"John," he says, and you close your mouth. This is probably one of the only times that you’ll hear him call you by your first name again. "I’ll text you if it’s that important. But I have to go," he says flatly. "I don’t even get why you keep insisting on this in the first place, it’s dumb as shit even by your standards."

You push yourself up to your feet, ignoring how cold it is now that it’s morning and all you have on is a t-shirt and some boxers. “It’s not dumb!” You exclaim to him. “You’re my friend and I’ve fucking missed you and you came back just a few days ago, flipped my life upside down all over again and I can’t fucking take it if you leave!” You positively shout.

It’s interesting, how Karkat seems to shatter some internally at your words. You’d feel bad, but you meant every bit of it. “It’s not like I want to leave either, dipshit,” he snaps at you, but he almost sounds…deflated? “But if someone finds out about me then I’m fucking dead, and you might be as well. That shit isn’t worth risking, not when you might be the only being alive who gives half a fuck about my wellbeing on this hell forsaken planet.”

“But-“ you start, then pause as you realize that you’re at a complete loss as to what to say or do. “Where will you stay?” you ask desperately.

The troll shrugs, movement sharp and jerky. “Who knows. Outside, or I’ll sleep my way into someone else’s house again.”

_what_

“Wait, shit—Egbert, don’t look at me like that. I know it’s disgusting as shit but sometimes I need fucking food and I didn’t mean to tell you that because I can’t tell if you’re looking at me as if I was the saddest thing you’ve ever seen or I’m the scum that someone scraped off their shoe after an hour of working with human horses or whatever the fuck you call them, and I can’t say that I particularly enjoy either of those options.”

You don’t know what to say, what to _think_ at this new information. “You’ve been-“

“Fucking random strangers in return for food and shelter for the past few years, whether human or troll? Yes, Egbert, so shut your fucking wordflap before I shut it for you. And yes, I will use your obvious disgust as my cue to take my leave from this hive of yours.”

“No!” Your voice is embarrassingly shrill as you lurch forward and practically latch onto his waist, anchoring him to where the both of you are in the doorway of your room. “No,” you repeat, voice not much more controlled than before. “No, I’m not disgusted and I don’t want you to leave. If anything, I want you to stay even more. I don’t want you to have to go back to that, I want you. To stay, dammit.” You’re frustrated half desperate to get him to stay.

He just sighs. “John, don’t you fucking dare give me your pity. Leaving is hard enough as it is, holy shitpringle. But I refuse to fucking stay and put anyone in danger that isn’t me.”

He carefully pries your arms from around him, and you fall back limply. He’s leaving again. You’re going to be alone all over again, and fuck people who say that distance makes the heart grow fonder because youc an’t deal with this. “I-“

“Don’t,” he cuts you off firmly, stepping away. “I’m not staying, you overly considerate asshole.” He takes a breath, seeming to attempt to steady himself. “Might as well get this out before I go, but I-“

He freezes, molten eyes widening and _fuck._ You hear it too, the sound of a door opening and closing. Your dad.

“Fuck you for making me hesitate, you inconsolable douchemuffin,” he hisses at you through gritted teeth. “What the hell do you expect me to do now? I’m not going to spend the next five minutes with My thumbs up my ass waiting to be found.”

“Maybe my dad won’t-“ you start, but your dad’s voice cuts you off.

“John? Are you here? I’m coming up to see you, son!” Well fuck, there goes that hope.

You look desperately around the room for something, _anything,_ to hide the blatantly visible troll in front of you. Your eyes land on the closet, and you immediately start pushing Karkat into it. You slip inside after him and shut the door. Blink.

“It’s really dark, wow,” you whisper, glancing up at Karkat. Woah, his eyes positively glowed in the dark.

“Not my fault that you’re not nocturnal, dipshit,” he hisses at you. “And why the hell did you come in with me? Your dad is expecting you.”

“Oh. Right,” you say, flushing slightly at your lapse in concentration. You reach for the door handle, realizing you should probably leave. “I’ll just g-mmmph!”

Karkat’s arm wraps around your waist, pulling you away from the door that you had been reaching for and against his chest instead. His other hand covers your mouth, silencing your exclamation of surprise.

“Stop flapping that incessant tongue of yours, Egbert, and think. Your dad,” he breathes into your ear. His breath is hot, and you can’t help shuddering. But he’s right. You can hear the door to your room open.

“John?” your dad says. “Are you home?” He’ll assume you’re at Dave’s…as long as he doesn’t find you here, in the closet. With a troll. Wow, that would look really bad in retrospect. There’s a faint scratching sound—a pen on paper. It ceases, and there are a few more shuffling noises before your door clicks shut again.

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you had been holding, and you go to leave your admittedly cramped closet, only to find that Karkat’s arm is holding you firmly in place. “Don’t make any noises, you moronic fuckwaffle,” he whispers. Your dad is still close and I’m not risking shit.”

You nod silently, closing your eyes and relaxing backwards. Right against Karkat’s chest. Um. Yeah, you didn’t think this out at all and you are not so relaxed anymore. Oops.

But Karkat isn’t pulling away, and his arm is still wrapped around you, holding you close. You burn, even though fabric separates your skin from touching. Fuck, you have it so bad for the troll and he’ll be gone within the hour at this rate.

You can’t help it. He’s precious to you—so fucking precious and he has been in some capacity, but something changed in this last week you housed him. You turn around—somewhat difficult, considering the tight quarters and arm still around your waist—and you wrap your own arms around Karkat, clutching him to you.

“I don’t want you to go,” you whisper, and yeah, you’ve said it a dozen times already. But something in your voice—be it the desperation; how close you are to tears—seems to register with Karkat. You can feel him tense, muscles of his chest tightening against your cheek. His heart is on the right side—if the two of you were flush against each other, you would feel his right on top of yours.

“John,” he says, his voice gravelly. You wonder if maybe he’s close to tears, too. “You should not care this much, so stop acting like a pitiful fuck like that, okay?”

You whine, and yeah, you sound pretty pathetic. “I can’t help it,” you finally say, too frustrated to hide it from him any longer. “I like you too much, okay?”

The troll just sighs. “John,” he repeats. You like how he’s using your name now, even if it’s just going to make everything hurt that much more in the long run. “You like everyone. The pure idea of you not liking someone is so preposterous that if it ever happened, I would probably chop off my own horn. And that would hurt like a shitbitch, so yeah. The chance of you not liking everyone is slim to fucking none.”

You make a frustrated noise, and you can’t help pounding on his chest with your fist—weakly, you’re just so fucking _done_ with the troll in front of you. How he’s fucked with your emotions without even realizing it, completely destroyed you and made you so happy and now is breaking your heart. “Not like that!” you finally manage. “I don’t. I like you more than that, you fucking _asshole,_ and now you’re leaving me and I can’t do _shit_ about it!” You rip yourself out of his grip and open the door, leaving him in the closet. You’re about to run down the stairs before you realize you _can’t_ —you’re dad’s down there, and he’s not supposed to know that you’re up here.

You go to your bed instead, crawling under the covers and pulling them over your head. You hear a soft thump and see a small flutter of paper out of the corner of your eye, but you ignore it in favor of your own misery.

“John what the fuck—?” you hear him say, then are aware of the sound of his feet on the carpet. Fuck, he’s going to come over here and make you face him. He _has_ to, he can’t leave without your dad noticing. Even if he jumped out your window he’d have to land on your car to avoid breaking an ankle and your dad would definitely hear that.

“’Son, I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself while I was away. I got this for you, to give to someone special. Love, dad,’” the troll reads, and you sit up. Snatch the object out of his hands.

It’s a little box. You open it. Inside lays a necklace, dainty as fuck—meant for a girl, probably. He didn’t know of your explorations with Dave. It’s actually really pretty, an old fashioned locket with gorgeous engraving, silver plated in the shape of a heart. It probably came from wherever he had been on his trip.

You swallow, then toss the box at Karkat. He catches it, then frowns as he opens it as well, evidently confused. “John, what possessed your thinkpan to toss this thing at me? Your dad said to give it to someon-“

“I know what he said,” you snap, then deflate slightly. Look down at your hands. “Were you not fucking listening to me earlier?” you ask, and you can hear a practically begging tone in your voice. Fucking shit, you sound absolutely pathetic. “I told you that I liked you. You fit every fucking qualification for that necklace so even if you don’t give a shit and are going to leave anyway, wait until you’re gone to throw it away.”

You can’t stand to have your heart broken like that.

“John.”

“Karkat, just. Don’t. I can’t fucking deal with this anymore, okay?” you say, voice laced with frustration. “I can’t, so I need you to just. Just leave before it hurts any more than it already does, because I know you’re refusing to stay.”

“John,” he says again, and his hand is on your chin. You can feel the pinpricks of his claws against your skin—but gentle, so fucking gentle not to hurt you and yeah, that breaks your heart as well. He pulls your head up to look at him.

You see red, and then he’s kissing you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Again, I am so sorry for how long this took. It just hurt a lot to write for a while, and I had absolutely no time. But I decided to continue it, so here you go.
> 
> Some fluff to make up for it. Forgive me?
> 
> And if you can, please spread this around! I want people to realize that it’s back. Even if not, thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed. [Minamiren](http://minamiren.tumblr.com) on tumblr in case anyone has any questions, wants quicker updates, or just to say hi. I'll see you next time!


	6. Living Discussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay; archive was so against me actually updating this (internet kept going out, not responding, etc.) 
> 
> But here it is! The next chapter of runaway au (Ragged Jackets and No Traces, why don’t I actually call it it’s actual title? I’ll be tagging it both runaway au and RJaNT on tumblr from now on. I’ll track the second tag just in case any of you wanna say anything).  
> It’s probably the longest chapter yet, so enjoy!

You immediately lose your balance and fall backward, but Karkat seems to instinctually follow you, leaning over and kissing you again (hand gentle on your cheek, but the kiss is intense and oh man, oh man Karkat is actually kissing you) and what. The fuck is happening. 

And then the worst thing that could probably happen, happens. Because obviously you have the best luck. 

Your door opens. 

Karkat doesn’t even seem to hear it either, just keeps kissing you and you’re responding without even realizing you are—your arms are around his neck, holding him close, and when did that even happen?

“John, are you here? I heard shouti—oh.”

Your dad. Karkat breaks away from you. Fuck. Karkat’s going to hate you, and hate _him_ , and you’re so confused and you can’t argue with Karkat with your dad there!

He looks at you, long and hard for a minute. It’s like he’s relearning who you are, trying to figure out what you were doing kissing a boy, kissing a _troll._ Probably wondering if Karkat attacked you, a little bit. 

It’s obvious from the look in his eyes that he doesn’t recognize the troll next to you, however. 

“Dad,” you say weakly. 

You determinedly keep your eyes off of Karkat, sure he’s about to rip your neck out (despite kissing you senseless a moment later). You stare at your dad, wide-eyed and red instead, and you’re not sure if that’s actually the better option. 

“I’m going to the store. We’re out of flour. Anything you want?” Is what your father says, and you blink.

What. 

He tilts his head toward Karkat a moment later, and you get it. He’s giving you a way out without making this more painful than it already is. He’s probably confused at hell (and just figured out his son wasn’t straight in the worst way possible, fuck) but at least he’s doing this for you. 

“More frozen waffles,” you say without really thinking about it—Karkat had really liked them whenever you had them for breakfast one morning. Probably hadn’t had them in a long time. 

Your dad gives you one last look, and you’re sure the conversation hasn’t been dropped. You’ll definitely be talking about this later. But he nods, and walks out of the room without another word. 

You let out a shuddering sigh of relief. Remember what just happened. 

“What the fuck,” you say. 

He practically snarls at you. “Way to go yelling and get your dad up here, dipshit. How am I supposed to know he’s not going to tell someone now?”

And that? Yeah. That pisses you off. You generally pride yourself on your ability to not lose your shit, but that. No. Just no. 

“Wow, Karkat! How about you try fucking believing me for once!? That maybe when I tell you my dad’s not going to fucking do anything, he won’t! You wanted to leave before he came but that didn’t happen, so shut the fuck up and don’t blame everything on me, especially not after-” you falter. Swallow. Look down at your hands. You can’t even finish your sentence, look at you. If that’s not pathetic then you don’t know what is. 

Karkat slowly sits down next to you, looking at some neutral point on the other side of your room. Stares at it like its life or death to keep eye contact with it, and not you. 

“I didn’t want to leave,” he says. 

Oh. 

That’s what having your heart punched feels like. 

He keeps talking—which is good, because you’ve lost your words. “I have myself convinced that if your dad found out he’d tell someone, and so I had to leave before he came. Because. Well. I do have to leave,” he says. “And I wouldn’t be able to if he invited me to stay.” He lets out a shaky, shuddery sigh. Stands up. 

“Fuck,” he hisses. “I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have come back home, shouldn’t have visited you, let you know I was still alive.” He’s baring his fangs, and it looks like if you get in his way he’s going to punch you in the face.

He suddenly whirls on you, and you’re slightly scared. He’s not the Karkat you remember at this moment—he’s sharp, red, dangerous. 

You still want to kiss him. Again. Fuck. 

“John, you’re fucking pitiable as shit and if I have to deal with this one more fucking minute I am going to explode, cover your room’s walls and carpets with my mutant ass blood, and you will be forced to scrub away the stains, left with only my shitty nubby horns as a token of my visit,” he hisses at you, and you swallow. 

“If you want to stay, why don’t you?” You finally ask, and he grits his teeth. 

“Because,” he says, low and patient and you can hear the undertones of a growl in his voice. “If anyone found out they’d come for me. And by extension, you. And I’m not going to fucking risk that, you couldn’t defend yourself for shit—WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, JOHN?!” 

You had slapped him. You had actually slapped him, and there was a bright red mark on his face despite the fact that his skin was dark, much darker than yours. 

“You can’t fucking _kiss_ me and then leave!” You yell at him, voice pathetically shrill but you know what? _You don’t fucking care right now._ “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, using me like that? I just fucking told you how I felt about you! And now you’re going to use that against me, _kiss_ me and LEAVE?!” You’re practically screaming in his face, and he’s staring at you, wide eyed, hand over the cheek you had slapped. 

You’re not done. You want to hit him, punch him. Yell at him that it’s not fucking _fair,_ that he can’t screw with your feelings like that. You want to throw him out the damn window. 

You want to drag him close by his shirt and kiss him. 

Oh, ouch, bad thought. It silences you, and you look away. Your heart is in your throat and you feel like if you open your mouth again you’re going to start crying. You do anyway. 

“You’re more than a friend to me, and I get it if you don’t feel the same way—” he opens his mouth, and you press a hand over it, “—but. I don’t want you to leave. I’m willing to give you a place to stay. Just. _Please._ Take it."

You’re unabashedly begging, voice shaky, and you don’t even care. 

He wraps long fingers around your wrist and pulls your hand away, gentle and firm. His claws don’t touch your skin once. 

“John,” he says, and his voice is low, quiet. Firm. “I flipped red for you long before I left in the first place. I don’t. Want you getting fucking hurt because of me. I can’t deal with that shit.”

You practically snarl at him. You’re not nearly as intimidating as him, you know, but he still flinches. “So you kiss me? And decide to leave and never see me again? That is the most selfish, assholish, _prick_ thing to do, and you fucking know it.” You’re not taking that as an answer. You fucking refuse. 

“I’m not letting you leave with only a kiss to remember you by,” you say desperately, and. Well. There are the tears. You can feel them hot and thick against your cheeks, and you don’t do anything to wipe them away. “You’re too important to me,” you whisper, trying to look anywhere but at him. 

You don’t manage it. 

Instead you can’t take your eyes off him, and you watch as he practically flinches every time a new tear makes its way down your cheek. “John,” he says slowly, pained as if every word is hurting him. “I’m not going to be the fucker that gets you hurt because of my own selfishness.”

“You’re hurting me more this way, asshole.”

And you feel like that’s when he gets it. When he gets how fucking serious you were about him being important to you. When he gets how painful it was that he left in the first place—painful for the both of you. When he gets that if he leaves again, you’ll never forget him. 

“John,” he says again, and you lean over, head against his stomach as you wrap your arms around him again. You feel him tense, stomach muscles tightening against your cheek, then relax. You feel his claws in your hair, gentle as they push your bangs out of your eyes. 

You idly consider getting a haircut. 

No, Karkat’s fingers in it were better than a haircut. 

You swallow. “Stay. Please. At least a little longer, fuck, _please._ Try.”

You feel him hesitate, fingers stilling in your hair. You squeeze your eyes shut, determined not to cry, just to wait for his answer (no matter what it may be, fuck). 

Heavy, gritted out like it was the hardest decision of his life, he responds. “Okay.”

You look up at him, eyes opening to stare, hopeful as all fuck. “You’ll stay?” You ask, barely even believing that he had actually agreed with you. 

“Yeah,” he nods slowly. “You guys. You’re. A safe place, John. I haven’t been this taken care of in a long, long time.” He swallows, looking away. “And I’m so flushed for you I don’t want to go,” he mutters at the blankets. 

You bite your lip. “So that kiss? You meant it?”

“It was supposed to be a goodbye kiss,” he shrugs honestly. “I didn’t know that you decided you weren’t straight,” he adds. 

You bite your lip. “I went out with Dave for a month. No one knew. We didn’t do much, just kissed and shit. But still.” You frown a little, then look up at him. “Does it mean that you didn’t mean it when you kissed me?” You ask, and Karkat actually swats you upside the head. 

“No, you pathetic fucking excuse of a moron,” he tells you. “I already said. I was flushed for you,” he manages and…oh. Oh, he’s blushing. How adorable. You can’t help smiling. 

“Oh,” you say, pushing yourself into a sitting position. You move onto your knees next to him, facing him. “So. Instead of a goodbye kiss, can it be. A real one?” You ask. You’re pretty sure you’re blushing, too. Wow, way to act like the adult that you practically already are. 

Karkat rolls his eyes at you. “You’re a damn idiot,” he tells you. Then, “that was a yes, if you couldn’t tell.”

You cover your mouth with your hand, smothering a snicker because wow, Karkat, way to be just as awkward as you were. And you know what? You don’t care a bit. 

You sit up a bit more, swallowing. Study Karkat’s eyes—so red, redder than you’ve ever seen but you like it. Realize after a moment that he’s looking at your lips. Oh. Oh, okay. He wants you to kiss him. 

You can do that. 

You reach up and touch his face with two fingertips, barely making contact. Lean in. 

You hear the front door open. Aw, hell. That’ll be your dad. 

You drop your hand and pull away, leaving Karkat frowning at you as if frustrated. He probably is. You are now, too. Cock blocked by your dad twice in as many hours. Ouch. 

“Come on,” you murmur. “We need to go downstairs and talk to my dad.”

He makes a face, but pushes himself to his feet. The fact that he’s taller than you is still wigging you out a little bit. “Yeah. We kind of do, even if the idea makes me want to jump out the window, regardless of the fact that I would be permanently mutilated by glass for the world to see, not to mention splattered across your driveway.”

You roll your eyes a little, not bothering to suppress a smile. Some things never changed. Karkat’s ranting was definitely one of those things. 

You actually take his hand, and he seems to pause a bit before thinking yes, good idea and lacing his fingers with yours. Aw. Cute. You just grin, not caring that your face is red like a child’s as you start to lead Karkat out of the room.

“Wait,” he says suddenly, and you pause.

“What is it?” you ask slowly, and then frown. He’s leaning over to pick something up off the floor. You blink as you realize that it’s the box with the small fancy necklace inside of it that had gotten dropped in all the confusion. Oh. Oh. He must be keeping it. You wonder if he realizes how female-oriented that necklace is supposed to be. Oh well, you honestly could not give less shits. He’s not even wearing it, anyway.

He pockets it, comes back and takes your hand again. And this time he’s the one leading you out the door and down the stairs, and this might be a good thing because you’re getting really. Nervous.

Fuck, you’re about to face your dad.

Said parental figure is standing at the stove when you both get downstairs. He’s cooking soup for you. Oh. Nice. He stops what he’s doing, sets his spatula down. Turns to look at you both.

“I see you’ve gained yourself a troll while I’ve been gone,” he says mildly. Hahaha, did someone just dial up the temperature in here? It sure wasn’t as hot as when you first walked in!

To your surprise, Karkat steps forward. He lets go of your hand, opening his mouth and speaking before you have a chance to. “I’m sorry, Mr. Egbert,” he says, and damn. He actually knows how to put a lid on the cursing occasionally! “This is Karkat, if you don’t recognize me anymore. John’s old friend. The one who disappeared. It’s because, well. My blood color started showing, and it kind of put me and people I spent time with in a lot of danger. So I got the hell out of there without telling anyone.” Oh well, he was going good until just then. “I’ve just gotten. Homesick lately, and John offered me a place to stay. I meant to be gone before you came back, and I can swear to it that what you happened to…walk in on…had never actually happened before then.” He looks a little guilty at this, like he had overstepped his bounds by kissing you (he had, a little, but only because you thought he was going to leave you behind forever this time).

Your dad sets down his ladle and looks Karkat over, face impassive. You think you might actually start crying if he doesn’t say something soon.

And then your dad smiles. “We have a spare guest bedroom. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you’d like. If you want to continue studies, John has books. He can teach you. And there’s plenty of room at our table for three.”

You let out a breath and gasp in another one. You hadn’t even realized you’d been holding it.

“Fuck, thank you,” Karkat says, then winces. “Shit—ah, I mean—I haven’t watched my language around adults for a long time,” he just finishes with a shrug. You snicker a little. He flips you off behind his back.

Your dad reaches over and ruffles Karkat’s hair, who bares his sharp fangs but doesn’t do anything. He then ruffles yours (you bat his arms away with a “Dad!”), then shoos the two of you away. “Okay, go back to John’s room. You two need to make plans about how this is going to work. He grins a little, and you know this next line isn’t going to be good. “Don’t forget to tell me how often I’ll need to conveniently be out of the house.”

Yeah, nope. You’re not even going to answer that. Instead, you grab Karkat’s hand again and march him back up the stairs, preventing him from turning into even more of a tomato than he had already seemed to be.

“Sorry about my dad,” you apologize the moment that the two of you get back up into your room and you’ve locked the door safely behind you. “He was—“

“He said I could stay,” Karkat interrupts you, looking almost confused, eyebrows scrunched together and lips pursed in a frown. A face you probably would have found cautioning a few days ago. Now it’s just ridiculously cute. “He said that I could stay with you. He had every reason to turn me away, but he said I could stay.” It sounds as if Karkat barely even believes what he’s saying. That’s probably true, actually.

You wrap your arms around him. You do realize that he’s taller than you now, and it’s kind of awkward for you to be the one hugging _him,_ instead of the other way around, but you couldn’t give less shits at the moment. You’re just so, ridiculously happy. Karkat’s staying.

He freezes for a moment, tensing, and you realize belatedly that he’s not exactly used to being touched, despite the past week of spending time with you, but then he just sighs heavily and pulls you close. Now he’s holding you, letting you press your face against his neck.

“You’re going to stay now, right?” You ask, and you hate how your voice shakes. After everything that’s happened, you’re still desperately afraid that he’s going to leave you behind.

His arms are warm, warmer than you as he tightens them some around you, and you feel him nod. “Yeah. I’m staying here,” he agrees. You can practically hear the wry smile as he continues, “As long as you don’t manage to spectacularly transform into even more of an asshole than you already are and piss me off to the point of leaving.”

You grin some. “No promises.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, this is not the end! I intend on going on. I can bring it two different ways from here. Both can include smut, in which case I’ll have to edit the current rating. If anyone has an opinion, [shoot me an ask!](http://minamiren.tumblr.com/ask) I’ll probably only get like one, so whoever actually takes the time to send the ask will probably get final call.
> 
> (hehehe hi there)


	7. Partings and Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat said he was going to stay. It's not actually going to happen that way, and you can't do a damn thing to change it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been forever since I've updated, but I just...haven't been able to type lately. I did my best to make up for it by giving you the rest of the fic all at once. Seven thousand words (exactly, wow) adding to a previous fifteen thousand. I hope that's enough to earn yall's forgiveness!
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

He steps back just to flip you off. You laugh. So typical of Karkat to do something like that, you're not even remotely surprised.

You  _are_  surprised, however, when his frown deepens--less 'natural Karkat' and more 'very unhappy Karkat'. Or maybe worried? You can't even tell, wow.

"What is it?" You ask slowly, hesitantly. You're kind of worried right now, mostly because you thought that he'd be happy! He gets to stay.

Holy fuck, he gets to stay and you're so happy you don’t think you’re going to ever stop smiling again. Like, ever.

He just shakes his head, though, not seeming to want to answer. "Nothing," he mutters. "Just...remembered something." Then he turns to you, and his facial expression is completely different--leaning in some, lips slightly parted.

Ohhhhhh, right. Kissing. Kissing is a thing that you were going to do before your dad came in and accidentally interrupted you (twice, wow).

You step a little closer, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck, and his hands go to your waist, claws pricking at the fabric of your shirt. He seems surprised at himself, like he doesn't know how his hands got there, and you snicker at him. "Shut your fucking wordhole, Egbert," he grumbles at you.

You just grin wider, and waggle your eyebrows. "How about you shut it for me?" You suggest--you couldn't help it, he totally handed you that opportunity on a silver platter. It couldn't have been easier if you had planned it out beforehand.

He scowls at you, studying you for a moment, and almost drop your arms again. He's going to chicken out of this, isn't he? He doesn't really want to kiss you, or something, or--

He doesn't chicken out.

One of his hands has slid up your spine to the back of your neck, pulling you towards him as he angles his head and kisses you, and it is _so much better_  than it had been the first time.

You practically fucking tiptoe for him--a year ago he would have had to do the same for you, but now it’s the opposite, fuck--and this time you’re kissing back. It’s unlike the first kiss you shared, which surprised you, and you had no clue what was going on. It’s unlike any kiss you’ve had before--and yeah, you’ve had some pretty nice kisses before.

You suppose it would be rude to tell any of your previous partners that you enjoyed Karkat’s kisses far more than theirs, though.

You feel a sharp pain at the corner of your mouth, and you wince slightly, but when Karkat tries to lean away you don’t let him, instead tightening his arms and bringing him back. His tooth probably nicked your lip, but you don’t really care. It’ll heal. Kissing Karkat prioritizes over that.

Which is why it really bothers you when you hear your dad’s voice calling the two of you down for dinner.

For a moment, you seriously consider completely ignoring your dad’s words and cheerfully continue “getting your mack on” with your boyfriend. You really,  _really_  want to give in to that particular temptation.

But you don’t, mostly because then your dad might come upstairs, and then he might totally see you making out like the horny pair of teens that you are. And that would both suck and be really embarrassing and considering you and Karkat just convinced your dad to let him stay, you’re not particularly keen on taking chances with your dad changing his mind. (He won’t change his mind, you know that, but still.)

So instead, you muster the small amount of self-control that you possess and pull away from Karkat, letting your arms drop from where they had been around his neck to your sides. This may have been the hardest thing that you have had to do in a while.

Besides, you know...almost everything else that you’ve had to do in the past week that Karkat’s been here.

“Come on,” you mutter, grabbing his hand. His fingers seem to spasm some, and you’re wondering if he maybe didn’t want to hold it, when you realize that he’s adjusting his grip so as not to dig his claws into your wrists.

Karkat makes a face at you (which is honestly slightly scary to see, considering the curled-lip-fang combo going on). You just stick your tongue back out at him, and he doesn’t argue, instead following you out your door and down the stairs.

Your dad looks up from where he’d been setting bowls around the table, already filled with a healthy serving of soup for the three of you. Small plates were already placed at the table, a small salad on each one. You hope that he used the vinaigrette you liked instead of the bleu cheese one, eugh. It always leaves a weird aftertaste to you.

Karkat lets go of your hand when you walk into the room, and you almost protest before realizing that he might just want to be careful around your dad. That, or he wants to let go because there is a lot of food in front of you and it looks very good.

“Sit,” your dad orders the two of you, gesturing towards two chairs across from the one that he settles into. You obey, sinking into one of the chairs and glancing over your food before looking up at Karkat. He seems to almost hesitate for a second, eyes flitting between you and your dad before following your suit and taking a seat. He’s twitchy, almost, and it worries you, but you don’t really know what you could say about it.

Dinner is silent for the first half or so, the three of you far more intent on the food in front of you than having conversation with each other. As time wears down and you slow down, however, your dad opens his mouth.

“So, I trust that the two of you have made a final decision? Plans about how things will work out?” he asks.

You have the audacity to blush. You totally forgot that the two of you were supposed to be actually talking about how Karkat staying would work out—and there were probably a lot of things that you needed to talk about. It wasn’t really as simple as just ‘Karkat is going to be here now.’ You knew that.

And you just made out with Karkat for a little bit instead. Oops.

Karkat puts his spoon down, and that expression that had been on his face earlier returns. The troubled one, the one that had you worried then and definitely has you worried now. Does he…not want to stay? He wasn’t acting like that! It seemed like the idea of him staying had made him really happy, and now you’re just confused.

He speaks before you can.

“Actually, I have made a final decision,” he says. His voice is clear and doesn’t shake, but the emotions are completely closed off. You have no clue what he’s thinking, what he’s feeling. You’re scared. “I’ve decided that I won’t be staying here.”

You hear your chair crash to the ground before you realize you’ve stood up with enough force to knock it over, gripping the edge of the table as you stare at Karkat.  _“What?”_ you gasp, not being able to believe him. Would he really do that to you? Would he really fucking leave you, after…after everything?

You just got him to stay, for fuck’s sake! He can’t. He can’t leave again.

Karkat looks up at you calmly, his face and emotions completely cut off. He looks almost harsh with his glowing eyes and sharp features, nothing like he did earlier. This is the look he gave you when he first came. It’s the look that tells you he’s serious.

“John,” he says calmly, but you just violently shake your head.

“No!” you exclaim. “No, you’re not leaving again! You promised, Karkat! You  _promised!”_  You’re aware that you’re screeching and throwing a general fit, but you can’t help yourself. He can’t leave. He can’t.  _He promised._

“John,” he repeats sharply, and you shut your mouth, clenching it as you look at him. His eyes are furrowed, like this is hard to say, but he’s going to say it. “John, I can’t stay here. Not when if I stay I’m risking your safety, and your dad’s. You know that.”

“I know!” you exclaim. “I wouldn’t want you to stay if I didn’t think it was worth it!”

Karkat’s lips tighten, and he shakes his head. “I’m not willing to risk it. Not after today.”

“After today, you should know that you need to stay,” you snap back. “After today, you should know how much it would hurt if you left  _again_.”

“No, you idiot. After today I would know exactly how much it would hurt the both of us, but I’d do it anyway because I value  _you_  over my own selfishness! You won’t be the only person suffering, you insensitive ass,” he shoots back, lip curling to reveal a sharp fang.

You open your mouth to yell at him, beg him to stay, threaten him,  _something_ , but your dad seems to decide that this is the time to interrupt. He’d just been sitting by, watching the two of you argue, but he’s apparently done with that now. “John, Karkat, quiet,” he tells the both of you. He turns to Karkat, face controlled and calm and you want to hit something because your dad can’t be considering letting Karkat leave again! “What will you do if you leave?” he asks simply. “I can’t in good conscience just let you back on the streets, Karkat, not when you could possibly get very hurt.”

One of Karkat’s fangs peek out over his bottom lip as he chews at it, gaze angled down at the grains of the wooden table you’re sitting at.

“I’m not…entirely asking for you to just throw me out on the streets,” he says after a minute. “I was wondering if you could help me get somewhere. Somewhere that, you know…neither humans or trolls exist in abundance.”

You frown. “That doesn’t-“ and then it dawns on you. Where he could be talking about, and why he would need your dad to help him. “No,” you say. “No! I wouldn’t be able to see you until I finished school, Karkat!”

Karkat shoots you a look, eyes narrowed. “Yeah? Well, you should be thankful that with my idea, I might not just end up dead.”

This throws you for a loop, but you can’t help still being angry, hurt, betrayed. “I don’t want you to go,” you breathe pathetically.

Your dad frowns, glancing between the two of you. “What is Karkat’s idea?” he finally asks. “I’m afraid I’m not following.”

Karkat turns to your dad. “I need to get to Jade’s. No one can get to me there, I’ll be with a friend, and I won’t actually get attacked, or be shut indoors permanently.” Or have to sleep his way into other people’s homes, you suppose. But-

“I still won’t forgive you,” you tell him. “I won’t, not until I see you again.” You swallow thickly, knowing that no matter how much you don’t like it, it’s his best chance. You can’t keep Karkat here, you just can’t. I’d be horrible of you, not even allowing him to go outside and  _do things_. Trolls aren’t meant to be completely dependent, and no matter how he may feel for you (or you for him), it would be horrible for him.

Karkat’s gaze meets yours, steady. “I know,” he replies. He doesn’t expect you to forgive him for leaving. But he’s going to do it anyway.

You abandon your dinner in order to storm up to your room and huddle under your blankets, struggling not to cry.

\---

Neither of them come up to see you for over an hour after you shut yourself in your room and lock the door. There was a point in time where you thought you might have heard footsteps between your childish, pathetic little sniffles, but when you listened closer there was nothing.

You think they’re planning things out with Jade while you’re up here. Somehow, the thought doesn’t make you any better.

A quick message to said girl confirms that yes, they were in a skype call with your dad’s laptop downstairs. She’s ecstatic to see Karkat again, thinks you’re a jerk for not telling her before now, and is so excited to have Karkat come live with her.

You don’t say much else to her, instead setting your phone down on your bedside table and curling back up into your sheets. They’re inviting, and you don’t want to leave them. Not while you don’t have to. You don’t have to face reality in these sheets, just the warm embrace of the comforter, where you can pretend like you’re not upset that he’s leaving, and Karkat will be back up to cuddle with you and sleep in just a few minutes, and he won’t be leaving the next morning.

It’s about thirty minutes after this that there’s a soft, short rap on your bedroom door, and you groan, pulling the blanket farther over your head.

“John, son? May I come in?” It’s your dad.

You figure it’s better than Karkat, and if you tried to shut him out he’d probably just pick the lock or use a spare key and come in anyway, so you silently untangle yourself from the covers, pad over and unlock the door. You’re back in bed by the time he actually gets the door open, and you wrap the comforter around your shoulders as you sit on the mattress, looking into your lap. “What is it,” you mutter.

You don’t look up, but you can feel the weight of the mattress dip beside you as he sits down next to you. You feel a warm, comforting, fatherly hand rubbing your back, and you squeeze your eyes shut before leaning over, curling up into your dad’s side.

“You don’t want him to leave again, do you,” your dad says. It’s not a question.

It’s only then that you’re aware of your throat hurting, and that familiar sting of your eyes when you’re trying not to cry. You’re  _not_  going to cry, not over this. Not over Karkat leaving again. “I don’t want him to go,” you whisper. “We just…we just got things sorted out between us, and he had come  _back_ , and he has  _feelings_  for me and I kissed him and now he’s leaving like none of it ever happened.” You squeeze your eyes shut tight against the burn, refusing to let a tear fall.

“Things will be different this time, though,” your dad tells you softly, and you bite your lip. “I talked to him down there too, and he’s not keen on leaving, either. But with Jade, he’ll have access to a computer. Skype, pesterchum, texting. You can keep in contact with him this time. He’s not going to completely disappear like he did before.

You bite your lip harder, practically making it numb before you let go and look up at your dad. “But I can’t kiss him while he’s there,” you protest. You’re fully aware that you sound similar to a complaining thirteen year old, but at the moment you can’t find it in you to care.

“You’ll be finished with school in a year,” your dad says slowly. “After that, you will have graduated and turned eighteen, and I technically will have no hold over you as a father anymore. However, if you still so choose when you graduate, I will pitch in the money to get you over to the Harleys’ island, to see Karkat again.”

You glance up at him, confused and surprised. “But what about—college?”

“If you want to be with Karkat that badly and the feelings are not gone by then, you should pursue it, John. You may take online college courses, and I’ll help with those, too, though I have no doubt that you’ll qualify for quite a few scholarships.”

You swallow, bite your lip again, then let it go. “Really?”

He nods. “Really.”

You fling your arms around him and clutch him tight, and you can finally feel the trickle of hot tears on your cheeks, but you don’t care. You could see him again. After high school you could see him again, and you wouldn’t have to go. You could stay. You could take online courses and stay with Karkat however much you wanted.

You get that you haven’t liked Karkat all this long. That you’ve only been aware of your crush for less than a week, and only had it for around a year. You don’t care. You just want to be with Karkat, hold him, kiss him.

“Thank you, dad,” you mumble.

You feel his hand in your hair, ruffling it into an even more hopeless mess than it usually is. “I’m proud of you John, you know that? No matter what decision you make in the future.”

He stays with you for a bit after, just letting you hug him and be close to him like you don’t think you have for a long time. You’re practically a senior now, and you can’t press your face into his chest or stomach like you could when you were a little boy. But you can hide against his shoulder and hug him, and when he puts his arms around you he feels just how he did when you were eleven.

Maybe five or ten minutes later he finally slowly extracts you from his arms, pushing himself to his feet. “Karkat’s in the shower right now, but he’ll be back soon,” he informs you. “I’ll be downstairs if you need me, but talk to him, okay? You two can work things out.”

You nod and then he’s gone, leaving you only with the faint sound of pipes humming and the heater running as Karkat takes his shower, along with the comfort of your huge blanket wrapped around your shoulders.

You feel much better than before. You still don’t want him to leave, not in the least, but you feel like if he does you maybe won’t have a total breakdown. You’ll still get to see him. That was worth it, right? If Karkat would be safer and happier there, it was.

You hear the shower shut off, and a minute or two later Karkat comes in your room with a towel wrapped around his hips and dripping hair, frowning at you. “I didn’t get to come up here and get clean clothes before I showered, so stop ogling at me,” he snaps, and you blush.

“Oops,” you mutter, and force yourself to look away, casually. Yeah, totally casually looking at your wall poster over there hey did that get moved or has it always been lopsided like that?  You should probably fix it.

You hear the drawer open that you had gone to shoving all of his clothes that you had donated or bought into, and you can’t help think of the first night that Karkat had stayed over, where you had completely forgotten to give him a change of clothes and he had come in shirtless, like now. You remember thinking he was attractive, and wondering if all trolls were attractive as Karkat was with his shirt off, not realizing that you just liked  _him._  He really was attractive, though. Even from a completely objective point of view.

Then Karkat is right in front of you again, and you jump. He’s wearing loose sweatpants and another t-shirt and is  _very_  close to your face right now. You have a feeling you’re blushing slightly.

“Get dressed, John,” he grumbles at you, then lightly kisses you on the lips before pulling away. Oh, wow. You were not expecting that in the least and you are definitely blushing very hard right now.

You nod quickly and lurch out of bed, digging through your drawers and getting dressed  as fast as you can before turning back to Karkat, who is sitting on your bed now. And who also has his eyes trained on you. “…Were you watching me?” you ask slowly.

He shrugs some. “You’re my matesprit, and you’re attractive. Should I not?”

You frown as an irrational surge of anger courses through you, then fades, leaving you mostly just…sad. “You’re leaving soon,” you mumble. “How could you call me your matesprit?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “It’s a year, John. A year and you can at least come visit me, if not stay with Jade and I. Are you not willing to keep up the matespritship during the school year?” His voice sounds slightly strained, anxious.

“I-“ you start, then frown. “But how? I won’t get to see you.”

“I’ll talk to you every day. We can call, skype, text. Whatever the fuck you want. I could do it now that I’m not on the run from the general population of society. And if you don’t want to keep up the matespritship…I’ll just wait till you come to the island or some shit.”

His confidence takes you by surprise, slightly. Did he seriously have so much faith in you, that he knows that you were planning on going to him the moment you could? It was…a nice thought.

“We can keep it,” you interject quickly, before Karkat is able to continue any further. “We can keep the matespritship while you’re there. I want you to be my boyfriend. I really, really do.” Your voice hitches near the end, and your throat tightening clips off the end of your sentence.

“I will be, then,” he tells you quietly, still sitting on your bed. “I will be, jerkass.”

You take a deep breath and nod slowly. “When are you going to leave?” you finally ask him, slightly scared for the answer. What if it’s sometime  _this week?_

“Tomorrow.”

Your eyes widen, and you feel your stomach drop. “But-“

“No buts,” he interrupts you. “The ticket is already booked, and I’ll be gone by nine in the morning. And—damn, John, don’t cry. Fuck, you’re tired as hell, get some sleep.”

You open your mouth to argue, but he immediately cuts you off again with a shake of his head. “No. Go to sleep. Now.”

You hesitate, then nod slowly. “Okay,” you mutter, then go to drag the blankets to the spot next to your bed on the floor to sleep in, like you had been while Karkat’s been here. You’re sure if you had really tried, you could’ve kicked Karkat to a couch or guest room, but you were never fully inclined to do so.

“John.”

“What,” you say, trying to straighten out a blanket so you can lay on it without having to lay on itchy carpet.

“John, come up here.”

You jump slightly, then look up at your—your  _boyfriend._  He’s sitting on your bed, still, and just gestures to a spot next to him.

“You’re my matesprit, yeah?” he asks. “I reserve the right to yank you up here to come sleep with me, at least on my last night.”

You blush, then nod slowly. “Okay,” you tell him, then push yourself to your feet before climbing on the bed, perching on the edge awkwardly next to him.

He rolls his eyes. “You’re such a wriggler, John,” he tells you exasperatedly, then wraps an arm around your waist and falls back to the pillows, pulling you with him with a yelp and a slight flailing of your arms.

“Holy shit, Karkat, no need to surprise me like that!” you shoot at him, and he rolls his eyes.

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want,” he says, and you sigh before turning in his arm still loosely draped over your waist. The two of you are close, very close, close enough for you to have your cheek pressed against his chest, and you can wrap your arm around him and clutch him close as well—which you do.

You feel his lips against your forehead, and you blush some. “You’re so cuddly,” you decide on telling him. “Even if you pretend like you’re not.”

He snickers some against your hairline. “Whatever the fuck you want to think,” he responds.

“It’s the truth,” you shoot back, then use the free hand you have to fist Karkat’s shirt in, tilt your head up and kiss him.

His lips are warm against yours, and after just a moment of frozen surprise he’s kissing back, using this soft pressure that kind of drives you crazy. You’re falling in love with the feeling of his lips on yours, the whisper of sound they make when they disconnect from your own, how he uses them to suck at your bottom lip some, knowing far better than to use his teeth and make you bleed again.

You make an almost whine-like noise, and it’s certainly not one that you would’ve want Karkat hearing. He pauses for a moment after, and then you can feel rather than see his lips curl in a self-satisfied smile as he goes back to kissing you.

It’s not long before you get restless, and you’re suddenly pushing at Karkat’s shoulder, making him lay back as you crawl on top of him, slotting one of your legs between his and straddling one of his thighs before you go back to kissing him. You can feel his hand on the back of your neck, claws just  _barely_  pricking skin as the kiss gets deeper, more intense.

You don’t want him to leave.

You actually bite his lip, and before you can realize that  _maybe_  that wasn’t the best idea, he’s squirming under you slightly and making a noise that he  _definitely_  didn’t want you hearing. This time it’s you grinning, and you nip at his lip again before your tongue darts out to sweep over the spot you bit, then push into his mouth.

You have to be very, very careful of his teeth, but you don’t care because the  _noise_  that Karkat just made when your tongue slid past his was totally worth it.

You kiss like this for a long time, no noises but your soft gasps and hitches of breath, or the quiet pleasured sounds that the both of you occasionally let out on accident. And then Karkat’s cupping your face in his hands, and breaking the kiss, and you whine loudly (embarrassingly) in protest, not even slightly ashamed.

“John,” he says, and holy shit his voice has gone all low and gritty and you did  _not_ expect that. “We are quickly going towards a place that we should not be going to as a pair who has only been dating for a few hours. It’s time to take a break and go to bed.”

You almost argue, but then you’re aware that wow, you have kind of been grinding against Karkat’s thigh for the past who-knows-long, and he’s probably right. Shit.

You back off, face pink and  _now_  embarrassed, climbing off of him and settling down at his side. “Oops,” you end up muttering, pressing your face against his neck.

He laughs some at your expense, then just runs a clawed hand through your hair. “Its fine, idiot,” he tells you. “Just…fuck, wait till we meet again, okay? We’ll have all the time we want, then, and it won’t be just some spur-of-the-moment decision that you or I might end up regretting later or some shit.”

You nod slowly. “Okay, that sounds good,” you say quietly, and it crashes over you just how tired you happen to be, even with how turned on you had been just two minutes ago. “Bed?” you yawn, and he laughs at you again.

“Fucking finally,” he replies, but you have a feeling that he’s just messing with you.

\---

You’re woken up the next morning by movement next to you—Karkat untangling himself from the grasp of your arms. You yawn and blink a few times before squinting up at him. He’s frozen above you, gnawing on his bottom lip as he waits to see if he’s woken you up for good or if you’ll go back to sleep, you think.

“What are you doing?” you ask him tiredly, effectively dashing any of his hopes that you might have been asleep. “’re you trying to leave? Already? Without…waking me up?”

Karkat frowns some. “It’s six in the morning, John. Plane takes off at nine. It is already a godawful hour of the morning, I am almost as cranky as Kankri when someone curses too excessively around him, and I have to be at the airport in time. And I still haven’t packed because  _someone_  decided to keep me busy last night, the moron,” he accuses.

“Didn’t sound like you were complaining about it,” you can’t help saying smugly. Reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind Karkat’s ear—it’s so long, you want to bury your fingers in it again—and then swallow back the burning lump in the back of your throat. You refuse to cry.

Karkat catches your expression almost immediately, anyway. His frown deepens quite a bit, from more playful to serious, and he shakes his head. “John, don’t. I’m leaving and you’re not going to be able to convince me otherwise this time.”

No curses. No elaborate metaphors. Just the words, plain and simple. He’s leaving, and there’s nothing you can do this time around.

You choke back another sob, but this time you can’t help letting out a small noise and  _no,_  Karkat needs to stop looking at you with that face because all it does is make you more sad because you have three more hours and then he’s going to be  _gone_.

“You’re such a wriggler,” he tells you, but gathers you up into his arms and holds you close as you cry softly, and he’s probably glad you’re not actually a troll or you would be staining Karkat’s shirt permanent colors with your tears.

Your shirt. That you gave Karkat.

“I know there’s no point in repeating it, because that’s just dumb and I’m dumb you don’t have to tell me, but I’ll miss you, so much.” It’s true. You’ve gotten comfortable with the troll being a constant presence near you at all times, and him not being there all of the sudden is something you don’t particularly want to think about.

You push yourself back from Karkat, wipe your eyes, and take a deep breath, pulling yourself back together. “Pack up quickly,” you tell him. He raises an eyebrow at you. “I want time with you before you go,” you explain.

“You’ll have plenty of time to yammer my hear ducts off until they literally melt out off of my skull, Egbert,” he says as he slips off the bed, starting to pull clothes out of his drawer and set them out, possibly in a manner that will make it more easy to pack, you think?

You watch for a moment, then just shake your head. “Not like that, Karkat.”

“Then what the fuck do you mean?”

“Think last night,” you tell him. You grin and kick your feet a little bit, waiting for the exact moment that it kicks in.

Sure enough, he straightens up after a couple of seconds, and you can actually see his blush from where you’re sitting. You give yourself a mental pat on the back. He’s silent for a bit, seemingly bringing his thoughts together before opening his mouth.

“Okay,” is all he ends up saying. There is a noticeable speedup in how quickly Karkat is working after this. You feel very proud of yourself—and you are definitely now looking forward to when Karkat finishes packing all his things (not much) for the trip.

You wait patiently, actually shutting your mouth for once—but this is for the most part because it is six fifteen by now and you are still incredibly tired. Karkat disappears and reappears a few times—with toiletries, a bag that you think he acquired from your dad, and a few other small things. It’s probably not more than another fifteen minutes before Karkat is standing in front of you, his arms crossed.

“Well?” he asks, looking down at you as if he is expecting something of you.

“Well, what?” you reply dumbly.

“Well, obviously you’re ignorant and forgetful as hell,” he snarks, then climbs into your lap without another word, straddling your thighs and draping his arms around your neck. “You promised sloppy makeouts before we have to go after I get my shit packed. My shit is packed and I am waiting.”

You suddenly remember everything. However, it’s far too late for him not to notice your blush, so you decide not to answer, and kiss him instead.

You don’t know how long the two of you stay like this, kissing each other. You  _do_  know, however, that by the time your dad comes to get you Karkat had settled on top of you, kissing you hard with fistfuls of your hair in his claws. He’d been careful of your lip so as not to make it bleed again, but you’re pretty sure your neck is plenty bruised.

You can’t find yourself minding, much. It strikes you as simply a physical reminder of Karkat for once he’s gone. After this thought occurred to you, you had given him a few in return—unsurprisingly more difficult, considering his tough skin and your dull human teeth.

But you managed, so you remain triumphant. Hell yes.

You’re very glad that your dad did  _not_  walk in the door to come get you two, instead rapping on the door and saying you needed to be downstairs in five minutes.

The two of you look at each other. Red eyes blink. “Shit,” you say. You’re not even dressed, and even if you were you doubt you could find something to cover everything.

Oh, what the hell. It doesn’t matter to you who sees, so let them show.

Six minutes later (you were unable to find a sock, then fell over while tying your shoe, Karkat skreeing at you the whole time to move your ass), the two of you are hurrying down the stairs in order to meet your dad at his car.

Fourteen minutes later you both are sitting side by side in the back of the car, your tangled fingers in between you while you lean against each other.

Fifty minutes later you and your dad are helping Karkat to get his things checked in, while you do your best to convince yourself that this won’t be forever. You’ll see him again soon, like he promised. Like your dad promised, too.

Seventy two minutes later his flight is called. You stop breathing. Karkat gets up, turns to you, and starts to open his mouth before just rolling his eyes and forcibly pulls you into a hug. It’s barely any time at all until you’re clutching at him as hard as you can, pressing up against him enough to the point where you’re practically one body.

“Stop being a wriggler, you little shitstain,” he mutters into your hair. “I’ll make sure I get a husktop with Skype or some shit. We can call as much as your miniscule bloodpusher desires.”

You laugh breathlessly, pulling back only enough to be able to look into his eyes. “You better keep that promise,” you tell him, before leaning up to kiss him.

Probably not the best idea—you’re in public and he’s a troll and you’re a human and this is probably considered wrong to so many people that may see you, but you honestly don’t give a shit right now. You won’t be able to kiss him for a long time after this. So you do your best to memorize him, fingers skating over his sides and tongue dipping in to taste him, remember him. It’ll be the last chance you get for a while.

Finally (not actually all that long later), you pull away, panting softly. Your throat hurts, and you’re not sure you can say something without crying, so you just lean up to kiss Karkat’s cheek one last time. He nods.

He’s not saying anything now, either.

Picks up his things, and then he’s gone, heading to his gate and you can’t see him or talk to him anymore so you just turn around—no point in staying longer. Your dad watches you with concern, but you just shake his head and lead the way back to the car.

You just want to go home, now.

When you get there, you curl up in bed and go to sleep. Your dreams aren’t happy, and you wake up just two hours later with tear tracks on your face, and you know that this is going to be a very, very long year.

\---

He called you the moment he landed, and that honestly made you feel a lot better. He was already missing you, you could tell even if he didn’t flat out say it directly. You’re realizing that this must be about as hard on him as it is on you.

That night you’re able to Skype call him, after Jade got him picked up off the coast closest to her in a small jet that she had hired specifically for the purpose of bringing Karkat to the island with her. How she gets all the money that she does you have no idea, but you’re glad that she at least has the means to keep Karkat safe.

Your matesprit. Boyfriend. Lover.

You realize over the next months that yeah, it  _is_  real what you feel for Karkat. Your emotions don’t change now that he’s not next to you—if anything, with how much you miss him it makes you feel even stronger. It hurts so damn much.

The months are long, but the time you get to spend with Karkat makes it hurt a little less. Most of it is spent in Skype calls—quite a few of them with the two of you barely talking, and instead you bent over your homework while he pours over a new novel, or a workbook of his own that Jade got him. He’s trying to get as caught up with school as he can, though he’s still about a year behind (he’s moving fast, though; he’ll be caught up to you if he works over the summer).

Some of your nights are spent talking, too—about yourselves, about your days, about each other. A few nights have been spent talking about the time Karkat had been in hiding, and what had happened during those months.

Some nights, when your dad isn’t home and Jade is out, the both of you lock your individual doors and grab your earbuds, and you get off together like that, just talking each other to completion.

You still miss him.

Fuck, you miss him.

\---

When you step out of the small jet, your legs almost buckle and dump you onto the ground—it’s been a while since you’ve been standing up, and you weren’t expecting taking your own weight to surprise you so much. You shield your eyes as you look around, accosted by how bright the sun is. Holy shit, why does where you are on the globe change how violently white the sun seems to be?

Okay, you know the answer to that, but still! It shouldn’t make this much of a difference. And Jade’s house shouldn’t be  _right in front of it._  Seriously, you’re going to end up blind before you even get up there.

You trek through the knee-high grass for at least a hundred yards (you almost fall three times, because of it somehow getting wrapped around your ankles and seeming to be doing it’s damn best to trip you up) before you’re actually in sight of the house, which was previously just kind of a small building in the distance. Now that you’re close you realize that Karkat wasn’t exaggerating about its size—it’s  _huge._  Could definitely be classified as a mansion.

About twenty more yards walking (ten yards away, fuck, you’re so close), and then the front door opens. You shoulder your backpack and squint your eyes for a moment before you realize who it is.

It’s Karkat.

You suddenly don’t know how to breathe. He’s there, he’s  _real,_  just feet from you and you’re so fucking close to touching him and it’s been  _so damn long._  You’re rooted to the spot, unable to move. It’s like time has completely stopped.

And then it starts again.

You drop your bag to the ground as you launch yourself towards him at full speed with a cry of “Karkat!” He waits for you in the doorway, but opens his arms as you propel yourself into him. He stumbles, then falls on his ass, apparently not having been able to keep himself anchored with your combined weight and speed.

“You fucking bulgemunch, I swear I already have a bruise on my ass and you’ve only been in my sight for two minutes,” you hear him say, and you just grin so wide you think your jaw is aching and hide your face against his neck, simply  _holding_ him.

“I missed you too, Karkat,” you say, laughing as you look up to him, reaching up to press your fingers against his cheek. He’s changed, yeah. You can tell—he looks older, more grown up, and so much more defined and better and real than any Skype call could have shown you.

It’s a good change, you decide.

He rolls his eyes. “I missed you too, John,” he tells you, and you knock him over on his back just so you can crawl over him and kiss him senseless.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, after soulmate au, this is the first miltichapter au that I've completely finished. And I'm really kind of proud of it? I think it turned out really well, and that my writing has evolved greatly since I started (in a good way!).
> 
> I guess I'll be working mostly on Children Aren't Easy next, so you guys can be looking forward to that as soon as I get back into the swing of writing! 
> 
> If you have any questions on this au or for me at all, I can be found at [scribeofjohnkat](http://scribeofjohnkat.tumblr.com) now, no longer at minamiren (though there is a possibility that I will be going back in the future). Thank you so much for sticking with me these few months, and if you enjoyed I encourage you to comment/kudo/etc! Kind words from you mean the world to me.
> 
> Thank you, and see you in the future!  
> -Ren


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